Wednesday, January 2, 2013

2013 will be my fifth year of blogging. I have made the decision to stop using this blog and just use my tumblr instead The URL is www.yourjokesarealwaysbad.tumblr.com, At the moment it has the exact same content as this blog (except the comments which weren't transferred over). You can follow it via RSS or googlereader so you can still anonymously follow if you want. I'm keeping this up because there have been some great comments over the years (VonKlapGate2011) which need to stay up.

Monday, December 31, 2012

2012

1. I moved to Wellington
2. Lived with 5 amazing people for most the year
3. Transferred to Victoria University
4. Learnt basic Maori (and forgot a lot of it)
5. I started seeing my new counselor Thomas
6. My medication changed significantly many times
7. I stopped thinking I might have bipolar type two
8. Started doing stand up comedy
9. I got involved with 19 Tory St and met some of the best people I know through that
10. I met David Merritt and organised two poetry events for him at Tory St
11. I saw Thee Oh Sees, Real Estate, and Boris and lots of other great bands
12. I started using OKcupid more seriously
13. Did a short fiction creative writing workshop at the IIML
14. I started using twitter
15. Stopped irrationally hating theatre people
16. I helped organise Wellington Zinefest
17. I made four new zines and reprinted my three old ones
18. I did my first solo comedy show at Darkroom in Christchurch
19. Spent a lot of time on omegle
20. Added 160 friends on facebook
21. Played a lot of Words with friends. (mostly with James Beavis, Brian Feary and Adam Freeth)
22. Read 55 books
23. Started using Tumblr
24. Blogged 85 times
25. Started listening to Krautrock
26. Hosted The New Zealand Music show on Radio Active once every three weeks.
27. Danced a lot more
28. Started to appreciate some pop music
29. Saw All Seeing Hand heaps of times.
30. Didn't have sex
31. Didn't kiss anyone
32. Made lots of good friends
33. Wrote a bunch of short stories
34. Didn't write many poems

Uses for smart phone stand

I got a smart phone stand for christmas. I don't have a smartphone, here are some other uses I have found for it


Australian Coin stand


Normal phone stand


Guitar pick stand


Ipod Stand


USB stand


Bookmark

Sunday, December 30, 2012

A SHORT PLAY, or; A SEGMENT OF A LONGER PLAY


Characters: Person one
                 Person Two

Setting: A Kitchen

Person one is standing next to the bench in the kitchen eating ice cream with a teaspoon directly out of the two litre tub, Person two walks in.

PERSON ONE: Hey man, you’re not at work today.

PERSON TWO: Yeah I had the day

PERSON ONE: Cool, what have you been up to?

PERSON TWO: I just went down to the TAB, what about you?

PERSON ONE: I just got up. What do you bet on? Horses?

PERSON TWO: Nah, I don’t understand the races, I bet on the basketball

PERSON ONE: Did you watch the game there?

PERSON TWO: No I’m going to watch it online. It starts in fifteen minutes.

PERSON ONE: I don’t blame you the TAB is so depressing, every time I walk past it’s just full of 
people watching the horse races

PERSON TWO: Yeah, I know, and none of them have any money either, it’s all they do.

PERSON ONE: It’s funny, the two types of people that are interested in racing are either really rich 
or completely poor. No one in between.

PERSON TWO: I know it’s frustrating, whenever I go in there I want to yell at them, go home to your families, keep your money, go get a job.

PERSON ONE: I don’t have a job

PERSON TWO: Yeah, but at least you’re trying

PERSON ONE: Yeah at least I’m trying

Person one takes another spoonful of ice cream. Person two leaves the room.

Two pages from a diary I kept in 2011

1. Love doesn't happen. Love between two people is a fictional story. It is like science fiction, where the science that happens is real but it doesn't really happen and there are made up words for things that don't exist. Love is like that. Love is one of the made up words. Intimacy is another. So is comfort. Sex is real. The people are real too. The connection is fictional. Fiction about love is fiction about fiction. Romance novels are the most profound metafiction in the world today.

2. A short story idea
Man and Woman are on a date each of them is talking and it is like a conversation except each of them is talking about different things. Man is talking about 2011 and how and why it will be remembered in history and how the world is changing. The woman is talking about the media and new media and old media and there is so much information
structure is cut up - starts with them talking - then to them meeting at a party - then to them talkoing - then to something else. They understand each other

Friday, December 28, 2012

predictions for 2013

1. Hate one of the uni courses I expected to like (Philosophy of Literature, Sea Changes)
2. Have a fling with someone from OKcupid
3. Will not approve of Alice's love interest(s)
4. Will become obsessed with a new author
5. Become more interested in altlit (via Jackson, Caro and Alice)
6. Will study full time in semester 2.
7. Will submit to journals but not get published
8. Become more confident doing Stand Up
9. Have my first complete bomb doing stand up
10. Read more non fiction
11. Do some script writing
12. Get a part time job
13. Get fired or made redundant
14. Get a really intense crush on a close friend
15. Will have a big argument with a family member
16. Will consider leaving Wellington (probably to Melbourne)
17. Finally talk to stranger crush
18. Will get an A on one of my papers
19. Get a B or lower on one of my papers
20. Stop seeing my counselor
21. Have a little bit of a breakdown and see him again briefly
22. Ride my bike more
23. Flat will have a money crises
24. I will have a money crises
25. Hang out with David Klein heaps
26. Will do comedy in Auckland at least once
27. Host a drive show on VBC
28. Will try and learn Ruby on Rails
29. Will become more interested in theatre and film
30. Will be really cynical about music/theatre/comedy/publishing/art/blogging/friend scenes
31. One of my tweets will go semi viral (25+ retweets)
32. Will have a dilemma about eating meat and dairy

Monday, December 10, 2012

Reading log

I've done this twice before here and here. This is pretty much every book I've finished in the last 13 months



21/10/11 - Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides
07/11/11 - Girl with Curious Hair - David Foster Wallace
27/12/11 - A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggers
16/01/12 - The Overcoat - Nikolai Gogol
24/01/12 - The Unabridged Pocket Book of Lightening - Jonathan Safran Foer
02/02/12 - Underworld - Don Delilo
14/02/12 - Learning To Love You More - Miranda July
18/02/12 - Hunger - Knut Hamsun
20/02/12 - Eleven Kinds of Loneliness - Richard Yates
18/02/12 - This is Water - David Foster Wallace
24/02/12 - Getting Even - Woody Allen
11/03/12 - Americana - Don Delillo
15/03/12 - The Importance of Being Ernest - Oscar Wilde
20/03/12 - Rommel Drives on Deep To Egypt -Richard Brautigan
31/03/12 - Dreaming of Babylon - Richard Brautigan
12/04/12 - Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov 
27/04/12 - Beloved - Toni Morrison
02/05/12 - Play It as it lays - Joan Didion
12/05/12 - American Splendor: Another Day - Harvey Pekar
15/05/12 - Perfect Recall - Anne Beattie
23/05/12 - Call Me If You Need Me - Raymond Carver
02/06/12 - Without Feathers - Woody Allen
02/06/12 - Rock Springs - Richard Ford
09/06/12 - The Quitter - Harvey Pekar
11/06/12 - American Splendor: Another Dollar - Harvey Pekar
16/06/12 - Checker and The Derailleurs - Lionel Shriver
07/08/12 - Italo Calvino - Marcovaldo
12/08/12 - Bob The Gambler - Frederick Barthelme
19/08/12 - Forty Stories - Donald Barthelme
21/08/12 - Raise High The Roof Beam Carpenters & Seymour: an Introduction - J.D Sallinger
27/08/12 - Today I Wrote Nothing - Daniil Kharms
27/08/12 - Blaze The Trail Snoopy - Charles Schulz
27/08/12 - This is the Best Time of Day, Charlie Brown - Charles Schulz
30/08/12 - Fires: Essays, Stories & Poems - Raymond Carver
03/09/12 - Franny and Zooey - J.D. Sallinger
06/09/12 - Murder in The Dark - Margaret Atwood
11/09/12 - Natural Selection - Frederick Barthelme
16/09/12 - Switch Bitch - Roald Dahl
17/09/12 - Waiting for Godot - Samuel Beckett
21/09/12 - In Between The Sheets - Ian McEwan
26/09/12 - Down Among The Women - Fay Weldon
02/10/12 - The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams
05/10/12 Jesus Son - Denis Johnson
08/10/12 - The Communist Manifesto - Karl Marx & Frederich Engels
14/10/12 - Nine Stories - J.D. Sallinger
18/10/12 - For Everyone Concerned - Damien Wilkins
22/10/12 - Under The Jaguar Sun - Italo Calvino
27/10/12 - The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath 
11/11/12 - The Little Disturbances of Man - Grace Paley
13/11/12 - Enormous Changes at the Last Minute - Grace Paley
14/11/12 - It Chooses You - Miranda July
20/11/12 - Later The Same Day - Grace Paley
29/11/12 - The Stories of Frank Sargeson - Frank Sargeson
05/12/12 - The Orchid Thief - Susan Orleans
09/12/12 - Interpreter of Maladies - Jhumpa Lahiri
10/12/12 - Krautrocksampler - Julian Cope

Friday, December 7, 2012

Fashion #52

blue eyes

Monday, December 3, 2012

Fashion #51

smiling with your mouth but not your eyes

Friday, November 30, 2012

reverse batman mask


Fashion #50

Hat + Glasses combo

I wrote a new press release because the last one sucked



Eamonn Marra/Everything Else, or: The result of spending your whole life working out what to say
December 18th
Darkroom, 336 St Asaph St
Koha

I moved to Wellington at the beginning of this year aiming to try new things. On April 9th 2012 I announced on Facebook I was doing stand up comedy at Wellington’s Fringe Bar’s Raw Meat, 47 people liked this status.
Nine months after surrendering my stand up virginity at Fringe Bar, and nine spots in various comedy nights in Wellington, I am coming back down in my hometown Christchurch to give birth to my first solo stand up show: Eamonn Marra/Everything Else, or: the result of spending most your life working out what to say, December 18th at Darkroom.
In this nine months; I have gone through stages of denial where I refused to believe I was a comedian, stages of arrogance, where I believed I was the best thing to happen to Wellington comedy for a long time, I have quit comedy, I have restarted comedy, I have written over ten thousand words in various files and now I have put together an hour worth of material to present to my audience back home.
The show will be split into two half hour parts, Eamonn Marra; where I talk about myself, anxiety, self esteem, body hair and narcissism and Everything Else; where I talk about politics, school, jobs, winz and comedy.
Joining me with a ten minute set to open the show will be fellow Christchurch via Wellington comedian Jonathan Heslop
Big thanks to Ricky Thelfo who has guided me through this nine months of comedy and T’nealle and Jasper from Darkroom for being awesome.
Pay what you can afford to and you think I deserve. I will have a special zine of short stories, comics, poetry and drawings for those who give over $10/$5 waged/unwaged but if you really want one and cannot afford that I’ll give you one for less.

Fashion #49

non prescription glasses

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I have celebrity crushes on

Genevieve Castree
Aubrey Plaza
Miranda July



Monday, November 19, 2012


I have always had a pretty strong internal monologue, and I’ve never really been sure what to do with it. Throughout high school I oppressed this monologue, because opening yourself up in any creative way essentially opens yourself up to attack in an environment that is built on competition.

In 2009, once I had finished school, I tried to release this monologue through poetry. After years of oppressed teenage angst I finally was in the position to let my emotions free. Of course this poetry was terrible, u
nfortunately I didn’t realise this until after I had released it to the world. I continued writing poetry over the next three years, slowly evolving from pure emotional cringe to a slightly more aware emotional cringe, to attempting to make fun of everything whilst still being meaningful through poetry (which isn’t really possible)
In 2012, after moving to Wellington, where every second person writes poetry, I realised that I wasn’t very good at poetry at all. I decided to give up on the poetic side of things and try my hand at stand up comedy.

I was unexpectedly successful at this, Eight months after my first three minute set, I have performed around 8 times, including two different twenty minute sets headlining the Medicine and Clean Comedy at Meow.

I’m returning to Christchurch in December for both my first solo comedy show and my first show outside of Wellington. The show will be two 30 minute halves, one of them about me, and the other about everything else (but really mostly about me as well). Pay what you can afford to, honestly I would like to get enough money to be able to buy a passport, so yeah keep that in mind.

Big thanks to T'nealle and Jasper from Darkroom, and Ricky Thelfo who is pretty much the only reason I have been doing comedy in Wellington